Friends and Sheep

When I went to my first training day as a newly ordained minister I was sternly warned ‘Never have friends in the parish’. Don’t see you flock on your day off. Don’t socialise with them don’t ever talk to them about your personal life. You are there for them not the other way around.

Now this was not decades ago as I was ordained in the 21st century. So this sort of thinking is not traditional or passé.

The person who gave it to me was very much of the opinion that clergy should always wear a dog collar when working that way people would never see the real you. You could wear jeans and a T-shirt on your day off, but at work you looked like no one else.


It was the policy of the parish where I was a curate so I bought 15 clerical shirts (the ones that come with dog collars) and wore them every day. I bought them in a variety of colours Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, Orange, Stripy. I always stuck out a deanery meetings since the evangelicals never wore their dog collars and the Anglo-catholics wore black.

Anyway the idea was you were supposed to be set apart. You were there for the people not the other way around. Weirdly enough I used to live in the parish so in actual fact people did see me in my jeans and t-shirt in my garden on my day off. Living among the people did not exactly make it easy to keep some sort of barrier.


I move into chaplaincy and there are many moves towards professionalisation. It’s all about making sure that Chaplaincy is relevant to Universities. To parallel the work that has gone on in student support. 30 years ago student support was a meeting with your tutor now it’s well co-ordinated, financed and presented by trained professionals like councillors. Maybe chaplaincy is leading the way here, perhaps in the future parish ministers will be well trained and resourced and experts in delivering high quality spiritual care.

The trouble is I want to question both these models of ministry, because they lack something.

I went to a student party this week. It was fancy dress. I was Darth Vader. Which was a good use for my clerical cloak (it was hung up along with 15 dog collars the day I moved into someone else’s parish). There I joined in with people I consider friends. My students, yes, my flock yes, but my friends also.


But it’s more than just joining in. Actually I believe the key to ministry is about being real, sharing who you being a real part of people’s lives. Most importantly you cannot give pastoral care unless you are prepared to receive it.

I remember one awful week when I was a curate. My gran died and simultaneously I went down with a really bad cold. I looked like death warmed up and I noticed that no-one in the parish even noticed, let alone asked me how I was doing.

I should have taken some time off but Curates are bad at that sort of thing. In the afternoon I went into the sixth form college where I was chaplain. I sat down by a heater feeling shit.

After a while one of the students came up to me and said:

“You look like crap…I’ve bought you some drugs.” She then handed me a box of Strepsils. I was touched.


A week latter and I was listening to a talk given to clergy by the Bishop of Liverpool. He asked everyone there to consider their ministry and ask, where are you being supported in your ministry and where are you being fed. I realised that the only place I was being supported and fed was in the college where I was chaplain. Maybe the students lacked a traditional understanding of ministry. Maybe they just related to me. I don’t know but it was then I decided I wanted to do this full time.

“This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from the my father.”


Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni Darth Vader Sheep Party Friends

Atheist Soc

Today I became an honouree atheist.

You see I was just checking out the SUSU forums, like you do, and I saw a very lively discussion about the setting up of an atheist society.

Now it says in my contract I’m there to support students of all faiths and none. Which I think is a bit pejorative since ‘none’ sort of implies something missing and that’s only going to offend people with sincerely held ideas. Better to say, I think, that I am there to support ALL students regardless of belief and conviction.

And I really do want to stress this because actually I don’t want to be just the CU’s chaplain. Or indeed SCM’s.

Even though Chaplaincy is obviously a Christian thing. I wouldn’t be here at all if I didn’t think Jesus was the answer to everything. (“What’s for dinner?”….”Jesus”)

So I thought to myself what better way to support these people and reach out in a spirit of affirming our common humanity and quest for ultimate knowledge than with a great big TICK.

OK, OK, I admit it I’m obsessing. The answer to everything has become ‘The Big Tick’. Well I’m sorry I was supposed to be shacking my booty at Contemporary Dance Soc last night but due to a mix up with times I wasn’t able to do it. So I’m one Tick behind. So I need to make up the numbers. So I joined the facebook group and told them I was coming.

Sadly Atheist soc were a bit concerned. I think they are bit worried my presence might be a wee bit provocative. Maybe it’s a bit like a Nazi turning up to the first meeting of J Soc. I dunno. Anyway I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable so I’m going to tick them off some other time.

Still the other day I said if you like discussions join this and if you don’t join that… and if you’re not Christian join something else. At the time I wasn’t sure what the something else was. Now it seems it is ‘atheist soc’.

They are meeting at 7pm in lecture room 1129 building 6 which I think is the Nuffield. They’re going to be there for a few weeks I think. So pop along, say hi to them from me.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Atheism The Big Tick Southampton University University Soton Uni

S is for SCM

So having ticked off CU it seemed only appropriate to visit the newest, small but perfectly formed Christian Group on Campus.

Southampton University SCM. (Student Christian Movement).

Now there are several Christian Societies. There is Cath Soc. for Catholics and CU and SCM.

Now it seems to me that SCM have a reputation for being a bit liberal.

Funnily enough though as society we quite like liberals, when it comes to religion most people, regardless of whether they have a faith or not, misunderstand liberals. Which is why in the media the conservatives are painted as the authentic Christians and liberals as the ‘semi atheist don’t really believe it bunch’. So it goes like this:

Liberal “Well it depends on how you look at it.”
Hard Liner “Truth is the same from all angles.”

Liberal “You need to listen to people’s stories.”
Hard Liner “People need to be told the truth.”

Liberal “There are often more than one right answer.”
Hard Liner “Is it Monday? How many right answers are there to that one?”

Liberal “It’s really all about love.”
Hard Liner “Let me spell it out for you T….R…”

Liberal “I’m not sure I can commit myself to that.”
Hard Liner “U…T…”

So I put on my hat and coat and gather up 500 elastic bands to form into letters on my flexible doctrinal basis and head out to meet liberal theology head on. SCM have all sorts of speakers and discussions. I’ve done a session for them. They like to really explore what faith is. They also like to tackle difficult subjects and look at other religions.

The meeting starts at 7. With some very fine veggie food before hand. People sit and chat. They get about 20 or 30 at their meetings. Including Christian Maxwell who I met at St John’s Ambulance and promised to mention on my CU Tick. Whoops!

Mel the president opens the meeting. Mel is studying social work and likes everyone to be heard. For that reason I think she finds me ‘challenging’. Mel likes to run SCM like a big committee. UNLIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN HER LIFE. (Is that ok Mel? Do you think we've cleared that one up?) The VP also shares the notices –Everyone participates. Andy, the VP, was, until his love life picked up, a bit of a cynic. He is famous for living in chaplaincy, being welcoming to everyone, and pouring out all his wrath and hatred on the chaplaincy pot plant in the corner. As he addresses the meeting in his dulcet brummy tones, the plant visibly withers.

The main speaker turns out to be the Bishop of Southampton, my boss and also a former CU president at Nottingham University and UCCF staff worker. So someone who has actually signed the Christian Union Doctrinal Basis.



Oh Irony how I love you. For you tease me so. And yet you are a slut for you belong to us all.

Where was I?

Oh yes the Bishop spoke but then…. And pay attention here, there was a discussion. People actually asked him questions and there was quite a bit of chat. There is room to do this because the group is smaller than CU.




Having spent the evening listening to a very evangelical speaker discuss with the group, it is clear that some people disagree with him but quite a lot agree. It seems that on reflection CU and SCM have quite a lot in common. It’s just that SCM allows more room for flexibility and discussion. SCM members all know one another which gives the group a very friendly feel.



I suppose at the end of the day if you want to turn up to a meeting with a couple of hundred other people have an extended time of worship and then a good talk then go to CU if you want to really get to know all the people and you value discussion and quite pauses well maybe SCM is more for you. Or maybe you’re not Christian. In which case join something else.

I did!

The evening ends, like so much in chaplaincy, down the pub.

SCM: EVERYONE included in a tick.



Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton SCM The Big Tick Southampton University University Soton Uni

Many a drunken night in student land ends this way

Once again I have spent the evening at a student party. Really knackered today. Gotta spend more time at home! Anyway it made me think of this video!

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni Southampton University Students Union Students Union Elections Student Politics

Election Fever

So election time has hit SUSU.

I've popped off to the hustings and I think this year for the first time I've met practically every candidate. It is weird for me watching all of this since I don't get a vote and the outcome could really affect my job (at least 30 weeks of the year of it).

They all seem very committed. Ella (who I have not yet met) seems to have the edge on visibility but the word on the street is that Burst is going to mobilise the hall JCR vote. There we are!

I have to say there is quite a bit of me that wants to see Dobbsie win. Why? Because I really want to see the hammer and sickle proudly displayed outside the People's Republic of SUSU. I want to hear the porters say "Kard please, Komrade!" as you try to get into the STAGS head. I want the Stag's Head to be renamed the 'Russian Bear' or the 'Red Star' all these and other things would make me happy. Mostly I would love to see a return some real student radicalism, which I really miss. Still let's not get to nostalgic the world has moved on and the key to making the future is recognising what makes up the present and not burrying yourself in the past. We might as well be honest at this university you practically get 30 credits for coporate whoring. Dobbsie is probably an outsider.

But what do I know?

Not withstanding what I just wrote I'm not endorsing any particular candidate...but with VP comms the future does look very bright...!



Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni Southampton University Students Union Students Union Elections Student Politics

Friday

Today I did notihing... not even blogging.

Haven't done that in quite a while.

Meanwhile on campus election fever has hit.

People are sticking their campaign materials on every consivable surface.

Even on the Anglican Chaplain!




You know he coloured them all in himself. 10 out of 10 for effort Nick.

Mind you we knew he was a man who liked to put in the hours when we saw his blog!

More election related news tomorrow.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni

Beardy Man

It was Alex Jones who first due my attention to this video:



I loved it so much I had to do some essential research to find out where it came from. It turns out that it is Beardyman the UK beat boxing champion (2006) apparently according to the Bishop of Southampton there is a beat boxing curate who is organising beat boxing worship in this very diocese.

Yeah I know...I thought that too.

Anyway despite not being exactly a fan of the genre I just had to pass on the guy's website to you.



Just sit and listen to the music for a minute of the first page...and enjoy.

And while you are there you should click here and also listen to the track playing

Here is Beardyman doing what he does best



Well there you are.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni

Ash Wednesday

Well Ash Wednesday! There we are.

Apparently the Church of England are encouraging people to tell a joke for lent and also running a course for Vicars on how to do stand-up. Great!

I must say, maybe I have missed my true vocation. Book me a open mike spot at Junglers.

I have been thinking today about the relevance of Lent. Round here it doesn't have any. A 40 day long fest of guilt and sin doesn't fit into student life. Not least because the Easter Holidays will interrupt it.

But it is more than that. I think words like 'sin' and 'evil' have no place in our modern lives.

Evil is reserved for people like Saddam Hussein and Ian Huntly. And sin is something other people do. I think that we only really have two sins left in our society. Any crime against a child and any kind of prejudice.

Now I do think that both those things are wrong, obviously, but looking past that it is interesting that these two things are so bad that even being accused of them, as in the case of Michael Jackson - (remember found innocent) ends your moral life and your career.

Look at what has happened to Jade Goodie, she did many things, but the moment she was suspected of being a racist her career was over.

There are only two sins and redemption has no part to play in this.

Other wrong is eminently excusable. Even to the extent that we can turn on Jeremy Kyle and see him saying "After the break we're going to meet a man who says his wife's unreasonable behaviour have driven him in to the arms of not one woman but five". Basically - I'm being unfaithful to you and it's your fault.

Yet as I search for a way of making Lent work I reach not for comedy but for truth. I'm reminded of something someone said to me once. You see I'm one of those people who hates to be confronted by my weaknesses and mistakes. I always have an excuse at the ready:

"I wasn't there on time because of the tidal wave that destroyed my car and I had to rescue all the children in the neighbourhood and there were spiky things and and and...."

Someone once said to me that this was profoundly un-christian because Christianity is about being honest about who we are and what we do. Confessing. This in Greek apparently means 'saying the same as' eg being honest. So when someone says 'Did you do that?' We should answer 'yes', not 'well I can explain'.

Jesus spoke of himself as being the light. That we should come into the light and not let our works be shrouded in darkness.

This is what we need to do with Lent. Especially at a time when society sees the Church as regularly doing one of it's big two sins; being homophobic.

The only answer is to be honest. Don't give up somnething for Lent, don't wallow in guilt. Take up honesty.

Speaking of honesty: Confession time, today I sent MSN message a friend who is quite a bit older than student age jokingly making a comment about her knickers.

Unfortunantly due to my pressing the wrong little icon, I sent it to a young fresher, who is a member of CU.

Whoops!

So that'll be me sacked then. Honestly you can't write comedy like that. Even if you've been on the course.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni

C is for Christian Union.

It starts at 10pm.

I know what you're thinking. WOW...what kind Sod-the-consequences-Rock-and-Roll-hedonists start their society meetings at 10pm? Well I was about to risk life and limb and possible legal action (so just kidding - (on the advice of my lawyer)) to get down with Christian Union.

Well we were going to the cube. To dance? Hell no! To get lashed? Hell no! We were on a mission.... a tea and coffee related one.



I met the most famous member of CU. Shorts Si. He was on urn duty. Which meant that he was going up to the concourse to look after the urn while it boiled. In shorts. Not the urn, obviously that would just be weird. Shorts Si was going up there in shorts. That's what he does. August: Shorts, September: shorts, February: Shorts. I feel by calling him Shorts Si I'm actually not helping, maybe if I just called him Si then he might say "Goodness me it's cold today, Somebody sally forth and fetch me a fine warm yet fashionable pair of trousers please! For I will don them forthwith." or something like that. I just have visions of him arriving in hospital suffering from hypothermia and weakly pleading, "It was Yellow, he made it part of my identity by calling me Shorts Si."




Man, you can't live with guilt like that.

We arrive on the concourse as the first students are leaving. It is bloody cold. I'm wearing a hat a scarf a coat and gloves. Everyone leaving the cube is wearing virtually nothing. Between some woman who has clearly forgotten to put a skirt on tonight and Shorts Si I'm beginning to think we have superhuman students at Southampton Uni. However if they are feeling cold CU have the answer (on this and so many other things).

The message is simple

• We are CU and we love you.
  
• Funnily enough so does Jesus
  
• Here have a warm drink!
  

It's not complicated.

We are joined by the local police who have popped up just to see how students are getting along so we are also joined by nervous looking Ben Rogers. Just guessing: lots of police, bit of brown trouser moment for him - he's not wearing shorts.

The evening progresses and slowly the number of people leaving the Cube increases. Taxis are doing a good trade. I hang around and chat to a few people. The police ask me who I am. Obviously balding men hanging outside the cube is something they like to discourage. I explain I am the Anglican Chaplain and they are well impressed at how seriously I take my job.



A guy spots the fact there are a few women hanging around drinking and decides to temporarily join CU. He decides to do some recruitment.

"Hey Girls." he yells "Do you want a tea, or coffee, or just a hug and a kiss from me."

He explains that he has come out without his 'wing man' and so has not had much luck 'with the ladies' but noticing the tea and coffee making facilities he loudly compliments CU on coming up with such an innovative way of 'pulling women'.

Thus the message is subtly subverted.

Meanwhile CU practice subverting the cube sign.



The evening draws to a close at about 1.30 am. The CU's 'extra member' leaves alone with a promise to be back next time. We go back to chaplaincy and pray.

Outside I hear the sound of a guy stuck under the chaplaincy sign. He was clearly trying to walk in a straight line. It takes him a few minutes to get out while his friends all laugh at him.

He obviously had fun. Most people do on a night out. But think about this next time you're having fun at the cube, outside there are a group of people, getting cold (some more than others), who have given up their evening out, just so you can have a hot drink on your way home.

Doesn't that make you feel all warm inside?

CU are about this week... go and talk to them.

Say thank you.

Christian Union: A tick...and also a cross.



Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Christian Union The Big Tick Southampton University University Soton Uni UCCF

My Car

I parked my car into the side of Winchester...



£250 later...



Still the people at TRJ Car Body Repairs Ltd (Unit 15 Carlton Commerce Centre Dukes Rd, Southampton, SO14 0SQ 023 8055 2055) did a very good job.

You can't tell that anything ever happened. Which is why it is phenomenally stupid to post pictures of the damage on say, for instance, the Internet!

But like a typical blogger I thought I would involve you in my life knowing you would enjoy this and so doing would just massacre the value of my car!!!!

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni Car Body Work Car Repair

Be vigilant...

As I prepared for today's service in chaplaincy (3pm- ish) I was struck by the readings.

Today we had the transfiguration from Luke 9. This is the story of how one day Jesus took three of his disciples on to a hill and turned into a great big glowing...um... bloke, right in front of them.

Then were quite tired and so instead of standing there going,

"BLOODY HELL, JESUS, YOU'VE JUST BECOME LIKE, A WHACKING GREAT GLOWING, HUGE THINGY!"

They fell asleep.

I loose track of the times in the Bible when the disciples are at a key moment and they fall asleep. The classic one is in the garden just before Jesus is betrayed. The disciples were asked to pray and instead opted to sleep. I guess like so much this is a metaphore, by refusing to stay awake the disciples were opting out of their own faith and letting Jesus do it for them, even on the mount their reaction to seeing the presence of God was not to procalim it but rather to want to put up tents, presumably to sleep in.

I suppose that is a bit childish, I suppose it is not taking responsibility. University Chaplaincy is all about helping people to make their own steps and their own mistakes, it is not about being a grown up in a room for of children but helping them to live their own way. Yes it's about procaliming Jesus, but its also about trusting people to find the truth for themselves.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Chaplaincy is about keeping people awake...

Oh yes.

What are you good at?

You know this whole Big Tick thing has got me thinking. It really doesn't matter what society I go to, I'm fast discovering that I'm crap at everything, but strangely, I don't mind.

Maybe I'm just older and wiser than I once was. When I was younger I was desperately concerned with being good at something. Maybe it was the lack of identity that seems to afflict the young, or not having a house and money and a car.

Whatever it is, I am now more concerned with having fun with darts than being good at it.

It was something Bethnall Green Dave said to me recently when we were discussing my job. He said to me than just because you are good at something (eg a job) doesn't mean you should do it. Maybe it means other people should want you to do it but actually maybe you shouldn't.

BGD used to have what many people would consider a dream job, but he gave it up because he didn't want to do it anymore. Other people were gutted, what he did until recently he did even better and now he is going to do something else again.

I guess a lot of students face this one because they get to university and they have pitched up here because they were good at Maths at A-level, or french or history or whatever and they haven't actually decided that this is what they want to do. I was talking to someone the other day about a student who dropped out of ship science because he wanted to build boats rather than design them. His mum went ballistic though. I just think 'good on him'.

I got given a book this week by another friend St Andrews Gareth. He has sent me a book on how to do cascading style sheets. Hopefully I'm going to make-over the chaplaincy web site. Once upon a time I was quite good at working with computers. I did that when I first left school. I was before I left school without doubt the most computer literate pupil in the entire school but actually I woke up one day and realised that I really wanted to work with people and the rest as they say is history. If I had stuck with computers I'd now be over a decade into my career and I'd be earning about 5 times my salary, but I know this is more me.

Of course the story doesn't end there because since my arrival here my life has been a bit of a microcosm of the whole church of England and I do question exactly what I am doing the future is far from certain, but whatever happens I'm going to be me.

So ask yourself...why do you do what you do? Is it because you're good at it? Is it because you just fell into it? Is it because it is the best thing for you?

And then go and find yourself.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Southampton University University Soton Uni

Gays and Anglicanism

Just kidding. I mean come on...you must be bored about the whole Anglican split story now? Surely? If not, just click on Anglican Mainstream where it will be in all it's glory (I'm just guessing - I can't actually be bothered to look!)

If like me you thought You Tube was just there to provide you with professionally produced entertainment cribbed from the mainstream media in a blatant infringement of copy right, that is probably because, like me, you never saw anything even vaguely amusing that wasn't on TV last week anyway.

Then again...I saw this...



Yeah maybe... I could be used like this, but it's mostly there to watch Stephen Colbert.

Mark of the beast...

Two web designers have had a glance at my web page in the last couple of days and they both found one thing about it very funny...

Apparently the picture of me on the front page is a bit too large. It is apparently 666KB!

Co-incidence or message from God to avoid this page???? Maybe that's why Google aren't listing the page at the moment...it's not because of back links it's the mark of the beast.

Don't believe me? Well take a look right click and then properties.

I'm obviously going to have to re-size it...but I'll leave it there for the moment!

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Darts The Big Tick Southampton University University Soton Uni

D is for Darts Club

Darts sport of Heroes.

So after hobby socs and course socs… next it was turn of sports. I was slightly nervous about Sports Socs for two reasons.

I was always the child picked last at PE.

The only thing I know about the AU is the whole hockey club, biscuit, Jesters thing and that's enough to put anyone off.

Off to the The Stags. There I met the girls and boys who are the disciples of Jim Bowen. Now, as we know, I am a man who, from time to time, likes to check his stats. For that reason I know that every once in a while someone reads this blog in Alabama. They only ever read it once, of course, before presumably thinking “WTF” and going to eat more Jerky with close relatives.

However for the benefit of that small passing trade, I feel I should explain the rules of darts.

Darts is a game played frequently in English Public Houses. These are not actually houses but instead are social buildings in which licker is drunk. Darts is principally a psychological game. In the industrial north of England it is often used to enable men, who’s sexuality is not fully integrated, to emotionally engage with members of their own gender in a non-threatening manner.

Darts is played with three miniature javelins. These must be thrown at the board. The board functions as a psychological tool. The purpose of the game is to project onto the board the face of anyone whom you find challenging in daily life. Or just hate. This can be any person. For example if you live in Alabama you could choose Hilary Clinton or any cast member who has ever appeared in NBC's hit comedy “Will and Grace”. Thus darts is a game of imagination as well as skill. Sometimes the players will agree in advance the focus of their play and an actual picture will be placed on the board.

The game progresses until everyone has expressed their repressed anger then a winner is declared at Random. Basically you chuck stuff at a board while chatting and drinking beer.

I arrive at 8 and am encouraged to have a go. I am loaned three darts and dully chuck them into the board. They all miss.




No one says “Gosh! You're really shit at this!” Instead they decide to give me my own board to practice on for a little while. Eventually after about half an hour I can hit the board nearly every time. The evening is arranged into a small competition and (and this is the best bit) their pair me up with someone who can actually play darts. This I like. The Captain Dan turns out to be quite good actually. By the time we get organized, after the obligatory chat about The Bowen, - the unrestrained joy that people from the midlands displayed when winning a boat, the fact that one of Darts club witnessed his own car as the star prize (a gleaming mini metro with hazards flashing)

We get down to the playing and it turns out there are so many ways to do darts.

There is 101, 301, 501, doubles, four in a team, Cricket darts, challenge darts. The list goes on and on. As does the playing.

“Wow!” I find myself saying at half past ten “Are we really only half way through? Doesn't time fly?”

My arm is really starting to hurt. It hasn't seen this much punishment since.... well ever really.

The challenge darts was the end of the evening. Basically you have to do a whole bunch of things like, throw three greens, thrown an even number, throw as many bulls as you can etc.

Mostly I failed, but imagine my joy, when during the 'see how many bulls you can hit' round I actually hit the bull. They were so lovely they even allowed play to pause while I was photographed next to the board.




Darts club. It's mostly for people who love darts. They genuinely a lovely bunch of people and really welcomed me. I'd definitely go back if they invited me. I had fun and I made friends. It was definitely more sociable than being a democrat from Alabama.

Darts Club: You require double Tick.



Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Darts The Big Tick Southampton University University Soton Uni

Spontanious Fun.

Something seems to be happening in chaplaincy. Something quite wonderful. It seems that my Big Tick is having a strange side effect. All of a sudden I'm starting to be recognised.

I go to the pub and there are members of Circus soc or theatre group or anyone of a number of groups.

Then there is last night. I went out once again to a showstoppers party. Apparently I'm going to be a Yellow Flower in the latest production. I spent the evening chatting, drinking and eating crisps. As well as joining in with the singing on a variety of different numbers from musical theatre.

I really want to give you a full report and will do tomorrow probably.

Today arrived at work at about 1.30pm and found out that at the same time as I was enjoying the company of Kat, Shelley, Tim, Nick and all the crowd at the so-called 'Manor' (spiritual home of Showstoppers) at chaplaincy they were having a impromptu party of their own.

Imagine that. Spontaneous revelry in the chaplaincy. Who would have thought it in the days before Boldrewood Tunnel Soc. I am told that much of the mirth was due to the presence of Team Tick, who were taking a night off from their Big Tick duties and were enjoying themselves quite a lot.

Let's hope they haven't overdone it, they are needed next week.

Anyway it seems like for the first time since I arrived that actually chaplaincy works. There are people in it.

And frankly I'm surprised.

The job seems to be going well! Although actually a lot people think I should give it up and launch my career as a stand up comedian. Which not withstanding the job going well I am increasingly tempted to do.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton

Anna Nicole Smith

She dead. Playboy playmate and widow to a oil billionaire 63 years her senior has died from a suspected drug overdose. She was 39.

Today Iraq and Bird Flu were pushed off the front page in order to make room for the well endowed Ms Smith.

Worse still I just know that Playboy are going to do some sort of retrospective which should turn the stomach of every one with an ounce of humanity of earth. "Lets celebrate the life and times, the career of Anna Nicole and let's knock one out in her memory"

I am not anti sex or sexuality but lets be honest anything to do with porn really is drinking from the toilet bowl of life. Did you know that apparently looking at porn actually lowers the self-esteem of men? Did you? Well now you do. I should say I don't know that playboy are going to do, I just suspect that's it. I guess you'll have to have to have a look if you want to know. Since I'm at work and playboy.com is definitely NSFW.

Like so many people nowadays all Vickie Lynn Hogan (for so she was born) ever wanted in life was to be rich and famous, and presumably happy. She died in a hotel room. On her own. While I'm sure she was famous and significantly richer than I am, I'm far from sure she was happy, and indeed I don't think, deep down, she achieved what she wanted in life. I'm not sure it all was worth it.

So farewell Anna Nicole Smith you never got your hands on the 400 million he left you in his will. You probably never found a place in many people's hearts but you found a place on many many hard drives. Where you took up a lot of room. Which in some senses is an achievement. May the next world treat you better than this one.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton

Happy Birthday to us

Something happened the other day...

No really it did!

Someone joined Tunnel Soc.

They haven't done that for ages! We now have 471 members. Which is not bad considering we are now nearly a year old!

"A year old" I hear you cry! Yes Tunnel soc came into inception on the 23rd feb 2006. A fact nobly recorded on our website. Which of course means it's time to have a party. (Probably in the Stag). More than that it's time to buy presents.

Yes this is what I want you to do. Go out and buy something crap, inexpensive and tunnel themed. Better still make a present. Again this should be tunnel themed.

For example: The cardboard from the centre of your recently depleted bog roll. A small mound of earth. A sock you have not yet finished knitting. A torch. The record "Going Underground" by the Jam. A Cadbury's Cream Egg. Membership of the British Tunneling Society. A picture of the Tunnel which you have drawn (hint...could just be a black piece of paper).

Then take your present, wrap it up, write on it "To" then write the name of some poor jaded soul who weighed down with cynicism desperately needs to drink of the milk of human kindness. Then add "Just because Tunnel Soc is one year old..." Then write the e-mail address join@boldrewoodtunnelsoc.com and the address www.boldrewoodtunnelsoc.com underneath and leave it somewhere where the person who's name is written after 'To' will find it.

Then feel good about yourself because you did something for someone else and I respect you for that. Well done.

We really have to do this. If we don't it could have been in vain.

Re-open the Tunnel!

Ok I feel Better now

OK, OK, I feel better now I do really. It was nice of everyone to comment.

Yes, yes I was fishing for comments. My ego was not in the best place due to an excessive amount of hate mail.

Lots of people have asked me to name the person who has been objecting to the content on this site and my using their name, but I really can't.

People have been great. I don't want to over egg this one because having a public crisis of confidence is a very bloggy thing to do. And as we all know...blogging is crap.

If you are going to blog, you have to devellop a thick skin, you have to do that if you are going to be a priest, because actually people will always go off on one at you. If someone dissagrees with you they are always more shocked if you are a priest and just being a priest sometimes makes people guilty and or angry and all sorts. It is what psychologists call 'transference' and you have to get used to it.

Anyway like I said I'm moving on now. But a very nice guy wrote something lovely today and several students who read it over my shoulder have asked me to link it.

OK if you want click here.

Anyway I better go and think of something offensive to say tomorrow.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton

H is for Hist Soc.

Team Tick gives the heads up on this one...

I pick up the phone:

"Be in the Stag at 8pm." says the voice on the other end. Hist Soc are in need of a ticking.

Now gentle reader, pause for a moment, and ask yourself, 'Am I of a strong constitution? Is the blood that flows through my veins of a thick enough nature to bear the tale to be told, or am I but a weak and feeble individual who's moral compass must be set firm?' If it is the latter then read on, dear reader. If the latter peradventure depart this place forthwith perhaps never to return.



Where was I? Ah yes the Stag.

I had prepared myself for a night of intellectual engagement. This was my first departmental tick. For those of you who don't know there are kind of 'Hobby Based' societies at Southampton and then there are the more 'study based' ones. History society is one of the latter. So I prepared myself by revising the history I knew and headed for the pub. It being exam time I knew the air would be thick with the cogitations of age.

The first person I meet is Jo the president. She talks me through the evening. Basically because it is revision time so Hist Soc are taking it easy.

We are only going to the Stag, The Mitre, the Terminal, Clowns and Jesters. It dawns on me that there might not be a lot of history.

I can clearly remember the Stag. There was drinking.

Then the Mitre. Here I complained to the Academic VP 'Marv' about the lack of intellectual content to the evening. He makes up for it by engaging me in an in depth discussion as to what Hist Soc's strap line should be. Apparently his preference "Doing it with dead people" did not receive universal approval but I can see why he was a shoe in for the Acad. VP post. At this point Alex Jones, the knitting wit also put in an appearence. she does a history degree as well as blogging.

We move on to the Terminal. at least that's what I thought it was called. Now here the drinking turns a little surreal. Imagine if you will, a Cadbury's Cream Egg, now imagine someone infused that with vodka and then blended it and served it in a test tube. And that, I think, is how Alcoholics celebrate Easter.



Oh and just for Jo Gilbert here are the toilets






We journeyed on. Somehow, somewhere, we lost Team Tick. I just had to hope they made it.

We came to clowns.



Here I took a photo of the floor. I'm not sure why. Nor indeed why I took one of the ceiling too. The floor does look shiny. I don't remember it being that shiny. I don't really remember there being floor. The probably was though.





Finally Jesters. That is a classy joint. It's a bit like a very big sick bucket. Or as someone said a bus shelter with a bar. I have to put with people revising at me.

"You know that religious bloke?"
"Jesus?"
"Later"
"St Francis?"
"Protestant."
"Luther?"
"The one who said like everything had already been decided and because of him we have like money and all off that and stuff."

Oh I see you are referring to the theory that capitalism has it's roots in the thinking of the theologian Calvin. Well remembered!

They bought me a Jestical. This is yet more vodka, Malibu in a pint glass with um stuff. They called a drink. I call it the pink creamy nectar of Satan.

There is music and laughter and dancing and throwing up. Which apparently you can do anywhere on the premises of Jesters.

Nice.

It's quite full on. In fact History Soc are well up for night out. I mean lets be honest all that study and gentile discussion. Really, truly they're animals. It was like the Rugby Club only with less male genital contact.

As I woke up the next morning I finally worked it out. What made the evening so special. So very 'hist soc': I hadn't really got a clue about what had happened and that's the point. Hist Soc socials are all about getting together the next day. Examining the evidence and then working out what really happened.



Hist Soc : All the available sources indicate a tick.

Dark Side Chaplaincy: Under threat

It seems that the Dark Side of the Moon Chaplaincy is now under threat.

I have recieved notice today that I must either cease or desist from unsing my name...AND delete my blog or face the consequences. This troubled me and meant I found it hard to blog. Yes I know, sometimes life does that to me.

Clearly I must cease to use inflamatory language such as "my name is Simon Stevens" immediately.

But should I delete this blog?...well let's put it to a vote...use the comments section.

In related news a google search for "My name is quck quack" no longer places this site on the first page. I am currently seeking an urgent solution to this problem.

Chaplaincy news: Today Andy and Karuna made a jigsaw. That's it, that is all they did today. Shocking!




It was all in aid of the Service for Christian Unity. Do you see what we did there? Do you? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Not going Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh with us? What ails thee?

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton Quack

I wish I was more like this

I think Andy should memorise this and perform it at the next chaplaincy social.

Christian Unity

Last week was the prayer for Christian unity, in chaplaincy we always (I say 'always' in Church circles 'always' generally means 'it's been done before') have a service for this week.

However like my entire life exams have meant that this thing has been put on hold. So actually in Chaplaincy we are doing the week for Christian Unity in one day next week. Now before you have a go at me for going with what everyone else is doing, let me point out that we 'do' Christmas in the last week of term when everyone else is doing Advent. Now making a time allowance for students taking exams makes me consider the whole question of Christian unity seen through the lens of Student ministry.

You see elsewhere in the world a Christian Unity service would be interdenominational. So for example in little Snorring-on-the-Bogweed the local Methodist Church will host this years service while last year it was the Anglicans. The Roman Catholic Parish Priest will lead the prayers, the URC minister will preach and the Baptist minister will do a reading.

Back in the Chaplaincy of course we don't have Churches. We do have three student groups, but in fact CU and SCM are avowedly interdenominational. Indeed talk to either of these groups and the denominational question doesn't even rear it's ugly head. Among students, among the young, denominations have very little to do with everyday life.

Once upon a time there was a Meth Soc and and Ang Soc and we don't have that now because we can't, we have more than enough students, but they actually don't want it. Even the one student who I would describe as the most Anglican has said Ang Soc would be 'a really bad idea'. Even the Anglican chaplain self identifies as 'Evangelical' more often than 'Anglican'.

This is not however a celebratory posting presenting Christian Unity as 'job done'.

The situation as far as unity is far worse than it has ever been. I personally think that once again University Chaplaincy has some answers for the wider Church. You see what separates our student groups is not denominational loyalty, deep down it's doctrine. CU is made up of sort of 'Anglicans' and sort of 'free church' and sort of 'baptists' but what they all have in common is their affirmation of the Doctrinal Basis. SCM are united in not having a DB. Put them in the room together and this is where they will struggle to unify and that is going to have more of an effect on our unity service than questions of whether the Methodists have had as much input into the service as the Catholics.

In the same way in the wider church liberal Anglicans are getting in famously with their liberal Methodist colleagues.

When Southampton Christian Network launched recently it was remarked by person after person that it was great to see so many churches come together. Yes it was and there were many different 'denominations' represented in the room but everyone (more or less) was a evangelical and shared more in common than what separated them.

Meanwhile the Anglican Church has never been so disunited (except of course for that time when the Presbyterians left, or that time when the Methodists left, or the Baptists or...well you get the idea).

At our Christian Unity service we will not achieve unity at best we will manage to wallpaper over some whacking great cracks which are in actual fact massive holes in the wall!

This is not any more tragic than when denominationalism was at its height it is just different and it is an indication that Christian Unity is still a far off dream.

The Vice Chancellor said to me recently that while one always has to live in the modern world. One doesn't have to endorse it but one has to live in it.

So let's be honest about where we are. And where the goalposts of Christian Unity have been moved to.

Church of England Chaplain University of Southampton

Blogger Dies

Today I have been trying to blog history soc. But blogger decided to die half way through the day.

I realise that I am becoming too reliant on technology. First virtual chaplaincy died and now blogger removed my ability to communicate with the world.

I have to ask myself is getting Vista going to destroy my vocation???

Still while I was fretting a queue formed outside my door. It seems that as the exams are ending my job is starting again...

Just in time blogger returned to me...