Bah-humbug

Boxing day was Laura’s Birthday. I tried not to think about it. Didn’t screw myself into a ball and try to disappear which is sort of what I wanted to. The problem of course was that I was surrounded by happy Christmas people. It is hard to grieve at Christmas. Yet people die at Christmas, people are alone at Christmas, and Christmas is hard for those people.

My step father lost his father at Christmas. One of the students lost her mother this Christmas. People die all year round but lots of them die in the winter.

I wonder how Laura’s parents coped this Christmas.

When I was at college we had a course is bereavement and funerals by a Vicar who specialised in these sorts of things. He told us about a service he decided to run. He came to the conclusion that the first Christmas without a loved one would be hard. Often people felt like just cancelling Christmas but actually with the rest of the world celebrating that actually made them feel more isolated and lonely. So he started a service. A low key service just before Christmas. Without any of the sugary sweetness of a crib service of a Christingle.

It had carols and readings and the focus of the service was the opportunity for everyone to come forward and light a candle for a loved one.

The amazing thing about this service is that after a few years it became his most popular service at Christmas.

In the Church where I was curate they had a tradition of having a Christmas party at which there would be Christmas readings. Poetry and prose, most of the readings were full of happy children and candy and presents.

I was asked to choose a reading too. The reading I chose (which went down like a lead balloon, incidentally) was from a book entitled Practice in Christianity by a certain Kierkegaard and here it is.

Come to me, all who labour and are burdened and I will give you rest.

The Inviter

The inviter, then, is the abased Jesus Christ, it is he who has spoken these words of invitation. It is not from glory that he says them. If that were the case, then Christianity is paganism and Christ is taken in vain.; therefore it is not true that this is so. But if it were so, that the one who sits in glory would say these words “Come here” as if it were perfectly simple to run straight into the arms of glory- well, no wonder a crowd came running! But those who run in this way have been led on a wild-goose chase, fancying that they know who Christ is. But no one knows that, and in order to believe in him we have to begin with abasement.

The inviter, the one who says these words, that is, the one who says these words is the abased Jesus Christ, the lowly man, born of a despised virgin, his father a carpenter, in kinship with a few other common folk of the lowest class, this lowly man who moreover claimed to be God.

It is the abased Jesus Christ who has spoken these words. And you do not have the right to appropriate one word of Christ’s , not one single word, you do not have the slightest to do with him, you do not have the remotest fellowship with him if you have not become contemporary with him in his abasement.

What Kierkegaard seems to be saying is; some become Christians because they want to be on the winning side of history because they want to be right and best friends with God.

Actually Christianity is about being like Jesus. Jesus who spent his life living in poverty and serving other people before dying the most grotesque of deaths. Let’s face it, his life was fucking miserable.

That, in spite of presents, and chocolate and happy smiley children’s faces, seems to be what Christmas is all about.

Listening to Slade

So there was Christmas.

The turkey has been eaten. You are still trying to clear away a lounge full of wrapping paper. The stuff in the toilet bowl is your body's way of saying

“What the %$&@ have you been feeding me?”

The joy of simultaneously wearing new pants AND socks on the same day is beginning to wear thin (unlike your underwear). And what is left?

I went shopping today. I had to spend my birthday and Christmas money. I met a student who had a Christmas job. She was one of mine. Local lass at the school of Nursing and Midwifery. She told me that she wanted to get back to uni. I asked her where she was studying which is how I found out she was one of mine.

She was in a grumpy mood. “I don’t know how all these people can afford stuff after Christmas I’m bloody skint.” She complained.

“Did you have a nice Christmas?” I asked.

“Too short!” she replied. Apparently her brother ended up ill and her boyfriend broke his ankle. I invited her in for a coffee in the New Year. Seemed the best thing to do in the circumstances. Bearing in mind the fact that by this point a sizable queue of short tempered customers had formed behind me and I don’t think they were really interested in me taking care of my flock.
Made me think though.

I did quite well this year for presents and I saw most of the family. I even caught up with some friends. Didn’t get a chance to text the only friend who was on his own on Christmas day (sorry mate, my battery went flat on Christmas eve and I had left my charger at home) but actually leaving all these things aside, the one thing I will remember about this Christmas is taking my mother (who used to be an atheist) off to Midnight Church.

The sense of peace I felt having taken communion was the high point for me.
Better than everything else.

Even better than the sermon (which was rubbish!)
I think it must be a religious festival after all.

Facebook?

Nope.

Still not checking

My computer isn't even on at the moment.

Nope Nope Nope

Still not checking.

Nope

Still not Checking

Nope

Still not checking

Facebook

"Have you joined the Group?" the student said as she passed me on the concourse. It was near the end of term and I didn't really have time to stop.
"What group?" I asked.
"The facebook group." she replied (as if it was obvious)
"What facebook group?" I asked bemused.
"Your facebook group."

That stopped me.

"My facebook group?" I asked even though given what she last said that seemed a rather superfluous question.
"Yes" she replied. Unnecessarily.
"Um....?" I said with some uncertainty
"It's the one started by the former students of the college where you were chaplain before you came here."
"Oh CRAP!" I said with some conviction as I realized this places me on a par with the mad woman who sings in Morrisons and the random bald bloke who hangs out in the Stags Head (I mean the other random bald bloke who hangs out in the Stags Head. I haven't stopped since then. I mean there was the end of term and then Christmas, all that sort of thing. Not had anytime to think about it really.

I'm sure this is not true.

I'm not going to check.

I'm really not.

Look it's 30 seconds latter and I still haven't checked.

Really, really, not going to check.

No, No, No.

Still not checked.

Look at that! Another not-going-to-check minute has past

I don't even have facebook open.

Not at all.

Still not checked.

You can sit there all night and I still wont have checked.

Tum tee tum.

Wonder if anything interesting is on the tele.

Just going to the loo now.

And back again! (But not to check facebook)



I may never go on facebook again.

Yep, yep, yep, not checking at all....


...


...

...

...

...

Still not checked...


etc.

etc.

Merry Christmas

In Case I don't get another chance to tell you...

Merry Christmas to you all...

and thanks for reading.

it has been great to have you all around!

Blair 'Converts'

Can someone explain to me how it can be anything other than a total sodding tragedy that in this day and age someone needs to change denominations just to take communion with his wife and kids.

Surely it must be a bad thing when someone has to change Churches?

To any church. Methodist, URC, Catholic.

That the Vatican are expressing ‘satisfaction’ with this one deeply saddens me.

Am I the only one who views his denomination as part of the church? The glee with which denominational switching is greeted in some quarters, indicates to me, there are those who view the people who don’t belong to their church as ‘not really Christians’.

Last year I spoke to a couple. Who had moved house recently. They originally attended a Free Church but when they moved they discovered the Catholic Church was next door. They popped along one Sunday and were made to feel very welcome, so they asked to join the Church. They did the same course that Tony Blair did and were about to be received. They had only one complaint: The members of their new church kept on about them ‘finding the truth and becoming Christians’. They had they, they pointed out, been Christians for years. Tony Blair has also been a Christian for years.

Let’s think about where I work for a minute. Chaplaincy, is of course, ecumenical. We play host to the Catholic society. So, as a result I find myself working with closely with Catholics. I try hard to get along with them and I’m far from perfect. However the fact that I am not really properly Christian has actually been pointed out to me on more than one occasion. Actually to my face! Goodness only knows what they are saying about me behind my back!

Last year I had the devil’s own job trying to start up a non-denominational service. The main concern from some quarters was that a non-denominational service might entice young Catholics away from the faith. Seducing young people away from the true faith is 100% the opposite of the way I operate. This just struck me as bizarre.

While Catholics and Anglicans have often disagreed about orders that doesn’t overly worry me. Even when some member of Cathsoc points out I’m only pretending to be a priest (TO MY FACE, people!!!!!) It still doesn’t bother me. I believe I have a call from God and actually external recognition is, and should be, totally irrelevant. Only one thing do I ask of my fellow Christians.

Recognise me as a Christian. That’s all. A follower of Jesus of Nazareth the same as you.

Now in case this seems like an attack on Catholics I should point out that there is a conservative evangelical organisation operating in Southampton with international students. They were contacted by the local Catholic parish and asked if they could join in the work. The answer came back only that only people who could sign a statement declaring their faith was identical with the organisation itself one could join in its work. The organisation did not send that statement of faith over to the Church to see if anyone could sign, they just said ‘This of course rules out Catholics’. Why? Clearly because they are not viewed as real Christians.

Look I'm as bigoted and judgemental as the next bloke but we all have to accept that it’s not our church.

It is Jesus’. He’s the only one allowed to decide who is in and who is out. If some human authority wants to do that...well...they’re just wrong.

Tony Blair Blair Catholicism Conversion Tony Blair Conversion Catholicism

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Christmas trees. That to me sums up the difficulty of being a Christian in a post-Christian world.

Bringing the forest into your home to honour the forest spirits. Decorating the trees with fruit and sparkle. Even the fairy (probably a representation of the tree spirit) on top. Pure paganism.

The festival itself is pagan. December 25th used to be the date of the winter solstice. One of the biggest festivals in the pagan world. The festival started in late Autumn when the harvest was gathered in and there was nothing to do until spring. They encouraged the sun to return by lighting up the nights and made winter a little warmer. The final day of the festival was marked when the servants were served by the masters in a role reversal to herald the reval of the seasons when dark becomes light again.

Christianity of course was born within a hot, middle-eastern and Jewish world with its various traditions and festivals. It began as a Jewish sect it was Shaul of Tarsus (forever remembered as St Paul) who took Christianity to the gentiles. The reason Christianity did that so successfully was because it dropped so much of this ceremonial baggage. Paul himself proudly proclaimed that festivals, seasons and new moons matter little in his new religion. This meant that gentile converts were able to be part of the new religion on the same footing as Jews. It caused problems, but it worked. The other thing that came of this was the iconoclastic tendencies of early Christianity.

With its l lack of ceremonies, sacrifices and a priesthood Christians were radically different from the pagan world around them, so much so that they were sometimes accused of atheism.

However as Christianity moved into the cold north it encountered a different type of culture and Christianity succeeded by what, I think, was the most intelligent volte face in religious history. Whereas originally there were no festivals now they took over the pagan’s own. Along with their places of worship and holy places. The biggest of all was the winter solstice. Much bigger than the festival of new life in the spring (people are always more religious when their backs against the wall and they put much more effort into asking the gods for new life than celebrating it when it arrived)

So Christians and Pagan spent much of November and December feasting with the climax on December 25th.

I think was St martin of Tours who suggested that Christians should do things a bit differently. They should spend the time leading up to Christmas focusing on the second coming of Christ and preparing to celebrate his first coming with repentance. Thus giving us advent. A period of the Church’s year which like lent is marked with dark colours and the absence of decoration. So if Christians were doing this properly there would be no celebration before Christmas, but afterwards when all the pagans are taking their decorations down.

But we don’t. I speak as a man who in spite of what I just said about Christmas trees is so enamoured of them I actually own THREE of them. Yes you did read that correctly. There are three in my house. Ranging from 2 foot to the 6 foot one in the lounge.

The problem is as this becomes the winter festival and as all the things we use to celebrate the birth of our saviour remain part of the world of those around us how do we make ourselves distinctive? There is a loss of identity for Christians. Advent is only seen in calendars.

I have tried many times not to decorate the house before December. I even worked for a Church which kept the place dark until December 24th and then all the members had to turn up in the evening to put up the tree and decorations and change the Altar to white. But then you just feel like you’re missing out. Everyone else is doing Christmas and you’re just sat in the corner being grumpy. Then after Christmas you have your decorations up and everyone else has taken them down.

It’s even worse when you work for a University and you have to do Christmas with the student before they all go home.

What’s the answer? Who knows? If anyone has any ideas about how I can make Christmas more Christian drop me a line.

Still I better go now and celebrate the last day of being penitent.

This University is now closed

We apologize for any inconvenience.

As is this chaplaincy.





Just leaves me to do fun things I like.

Like maths. And blogging.



And playing with the wii.

You don't want to leave one of those in a chaplaincy over Christmas do you?

Cold

It is bloody freezing.

I had the heating 'done' over the summer. The bloke told me to 'bleed' the radiators once it got cold.

I noticed today that half the radiators in the house were stone cold. So I bled the lot.

OK, OK I'm not expecting you to excited by this blog. It's just real life damn it. And the holidays.

Anyway to bleed the radiators in my house you have to turn the key 47 degrees.

Protractor.

Back pocket.

Nice.

The Equipment III

I set off with two pens.

Then I got a pensil and a rubber.

Now I own one of these.



Apparently it's called a protractor. I thought it was called a compass. That is, they tell me, a thing for making circles whereas a protractor is for measuring circles. I never thought I'd actually own one of these, you never know where your new found maths obsession will take you.

My protractor fits handily in my back pocket. So I can now measure as many angles as I want. I'm not sure why I would want to but I can. Maybe next time I pop round your house I'll be going round and finding all your angles as seeing just what sort of angles you have to offer.

"Ooooo..." I'll say "A hexanganal table do you mind if I just..."

I thought that Maths just needed a brain and maybe a bit of paper. How wrong I was. I also have one of these.



This is a special 'doing maths' ruler. It's seethrough which makes it easier to measure things rather than a 'not doing maths' ruler which doesn't have to be seethrough since it is just for drawing straight lines.

See! Look how much I understand now.

Admit it you're impressed.


What else will I need to get next?

Number 1 for Christmas

It's my day off today. So I'm not blogging.

A friend of mine wants this to be Christmas Number one.



Various people are advertising it like some kind of Dawkinsian Internet Meme. So I'm doing my bit with the few regular readers I have acquired. This reminds me of the time (about December 1999, I believe) when Christians got together to make Cliff Richard's "Lord's Prayer" the first number one of the new millennium. They were unceremoniously spanked by hoards of teenage girls with a crush on Shane Filan.

Now Malcom Middleton's Christmas offering has a more nihilistic tone to it than 'Millennium Prayer' so hopefully, going head to head with X factor and the Spice Girls will completely discredit Nihilism as a philosophical school in pretty much the same way.

That's the main reason I'm throwing my full weight behind this one.

So go and buy this record. Now. Don't do it for me.

Do it for Jesus.

Friends

The end of term has crept up on me without me noticing. I just suddenly became aware of it being week 9.

Normally I notice when we get to week 5 and then it is a long slog to week 10, but this time it is different. I have been working less. After two years of slogging away I have cut down the hours. Last year really took it out of me. I didn't think that visiting 31 societies would be so time consuming but it was. I suppose it was time to cut down. Don't get me wrong I'm still doing a minimum of 50 hours a week but I have tried to be at home 2 nights out of 7 and not gone in some days until midday.

I even had time to pop up to London to see Bethnal Green Dave (who, if you are new to this blog, lives in Bethnal Green). That was in term time. Honestly! Taking time out to visit BGD? Unheard of!

Yet in spite of my taking things a little easier doesn't seem to have affected chaplaincy unduely, it all seems to be chugging along nicely.

Maybe that's why the term has gone so quickly.

I've had a chance to think about other things.

Friends.

Absent friends.

Put that one to bed

The end of term has finally arrived and I feel...

...slightly lacking in something to do.

Important Message for Boldrewood Tunnel Soc

Hello Tunnel Soc!

It's been a while. In fact we've gone so quiet here at BTSHQ that we haven't contacted you all term. That is not because we have gone away. Oh no. We would not never do that!

Indeed at this time, when Boldrewood is about to be torn down there is more need for us than ever. Will they bury the tunnel under their shiny new campus? Will they bugger not as long as there is a Tunnel Soc, standing for truth, justice and not being killed on Burgess Road.

You are not alone, day by day more and more people are joining our wonderful society on a few days ago we welcomed Geography's Naomi Pennington who became member 477. Can we get to 500 by the end of the year? Of course we can.

And we should.

Let's not forget that loads of new freshers arrived in our university this year. They signed up for many societies and by this point in the year they become cynical. They realise that this society they signed up for isn't what they were expecting it to be. They thought it was going to be different....but it isn't. What those freshers need is a different kind of society: A Tunnel Society.

Imagine their cheery faces when you tell them all about us. They were beginning to think University was all about work, now they'll realise it's actually about campaigning for a Tunnel most people don't think even exists.

Makes you feel all warm inside just thinking about it.

Anyway the main point of this message is to tell you something exciting.

I'm going to do something this year. I need about 10,000 students to do it with. I need you to be one of them. It'll probably be fun.

Watch this space

Feasting

The Feasting has begun.

Today Karuna did bring a large tin of chocolates into chaplaincy.

We did scoff.

I say we, I mean me.

One Track

Last night the British viewing public were treated to a salacious exposé by the girl with a one track mind.

It covered her blog and also that of Bitchy Jones. Both blogs I have read and even commented on from time to time. Apparently most of these blogs are read by women who view them as empowering. Unlike my assumption which is they are read by men who find them arousing. I'm completely wrong though.

No doubt women were all exceedingly empowered by the scantily dressed women sitting at laptops used to illustrate women sex bloggers throughout the programme.

What I want to know is why sex blogging is so popular. Why isn't vicar blogging just as interesting? I mean I'd much rather read a vicar blog. Maybe the answer is for some vicar somewhere to write an anonymous sex blog. Sort of rector with a one track mind.

Tuesday:

Thought about sex during Matins. The canticle was somewhat boring. I suppose that if one’s mind is going to wonder it must of necessity wonder down to the murky basement of one’s life, from time to time, even if it is just to change that bulb that blew two and half years ago.

Noticed Ethel has done a splendid job with the flowers this week. Very understated, often she gives off the air of just having thrown them together and yet they arrive beautifully arranged. In my last parish the chief flower arranger had issues. She seemed to be wanting to create the hanging gardens of Babylon is a small English parish church. One year she ‘did’ the pulpit for Easter Sunday and one had the impression of being decked out with a garland of Gypsophila rather than one’s usual clerical vestments. I’ve never before witness such attention seeking flower arranging. I’m sure something significant went awry in the poor old girl’s childhood. Who knows what. 7 years in the parish and she remained a closed book to me. One was just constantly aware of something deeply Freudian going on in the floral displays.

After Matins I spoke to Stan our gardener. Folks have been noticing that the grass has been growing a little faster than he has time to deal with it. He was a little defensive until I assured him that it was a question of him slacking off but rather the old rusty mower being on it’s last legs. I suggested perhaps there might be some funds in the Rector’s discretionary we could draw upon to purchase a new one.

“Well if you think so, Rector. I reckon I’ll miss ol’ Bessie here!”

Heaven’s above! The man has actually named the thing. What ever next!

On to the Junior School for an assembly. Ryan from year 4 was sat at the teacher’s feet before I even arrived. A new record for him, I fear.

Home to lunch. Tuesday is Eleanor’s day for volunteering at the hospital so dinner alone. She had left me a tub of last week’s casserole defrosting on the side. 2 minutes in the microwave. Delicious!

Afternoon spent preparing for next week’s PCC standing committee. The usual phone calls and reading through a missive from the Bishop on Provincial Episcopal Visitors. I do wish his Lordship would update his files. I have communicated with his chaplain on the subject on numerous occasions.

Eleanor returned at 5pm we chatted through the day before she made us both some hot buttered toast. Marvellous stuff!

Tonight she was out at the Mother’s Union. She had to give them quite a telling off. Apparently despite several pleas for washed jam jars ready for Eleanor and her crack team of three to fill for this years Fete only 4 have been forthcoming. She put on the navy jacket. Power dressing. She always does that when the ladies need hauling back in line. Hopefully it wont all end in tears. I imagine the ladies will have forgiven her by next week. The place is rife with rumours of some gargantuan ‘do’ they are all planning next year in celebration of her 50^th. I had two separate couples to visit regarding Christenings. Neither of them married, such is the modern world in which we live.

Home for 9.30pm to find Eleanor already tucked up. My freshly pressed P.J.s on the end of the bed and, joy and joys, my bed socks.

“I think we’ll both get on better without those ice blocks under the duvet” she said dryly. I do have the most frightfully bad circulation.

Eleanor was buried in her Sudoku so I dipped into the latest offering from Colin Dexter. It’s a little slow in places but does pay dividends if you stick with it. Put chapter 15 firmly to bed by about 10pm.

Then I rogered Eleanor until she came, wailing like a fire engine, as it whooshes down the road, bearing down on some frightful emergency. All in all, a damn good seeing to, even if I do say so myself.

Lights out by 11pm.

Thought for the day: Hot buttered toast, you really can’t beat it, can you?

Then again

A slightly calmer day today. Just dealing with an irate parent.

All to do with relationships. I suspect I am probably right in thinking this is beyond my control.

If I could control other people's hearts and sexualities I would be a little floating fat naked boy. Having been to Archery soc. I think I proved I couldn't get that job.

Still following on from my meeting I think I may well have solved one problem in chaplaincy so I think we have turned a corner.

The day was finished off when a PGCE student from a couple of years ago who wanted to record my opinions on marriage for tomorrow's RE Lesson. Ah marriage....what can I say, it's so...um....uncomplicated isn't it?

Current Mood: SHIT

RELATIONSHIPS ARE REALLY STARTING TO BUG ME NOW

Travelling with St Paul

This year I started out looking at 1 Corinthians. It is in the New Testament bit of the Bible. About a third of the way in.

It is a letter written by the apostle Paul about half way through the first century. It was written to a community which was on a number of major trade routes and so was therefore cosmopolitan and wealthy. More importantly I’m not sure that there was a large Jewish community in the Church of Corinth. Which really shaped the community and the letter.

I’m really felt that I should use this letter this year. Study it and use it in chaplaincy. So we have read from it at each of our services.

Initially I wasn’t sure why 1 Corinthians was the best bit to use. I just had a feeling. One of those I often interpret as God speaking to me. Other people said ‘No Romans is much better. More theology.’ Someone else suggested a bit of the Old Testament....(well it is Hanukah at moment). I decided to stick with 1 Corinthians.

Thinking out loud in chaplaincy today however I had a moment of insight (I often do when my mouth is open) I realised that the absence of a substantial Jewish section of this Church robed it of its traditions and so this really was a DIY community. When I look at these words written nearly two thousand years ago I am struck by the reality of the problems. When you set something up and you bring people together it doesn’t always turn out the way you think it will because they are human and so are you.

Although weren’t not dealing in chaplaincy with members of the community engaging in pagan worship with sacred prostitutes, people taking each other to court and getting drunk on communion wine (all problems in Corinth) we are dealing with the reality of community.

Someone said today that unlike most of the large Churches in Southampton that students frequent and unlike the CU in chaplaincy most people know one another. Which means that actually our community is real and sometimes difficult. Like with the thorny issue of someone wanting to go out with someone else. In Southampton there are lots of Churches experimenting with worship and things like that, but I think we are the only people doing this with community.

Weirdly I’m going to see how following the advice of a Jewish guy stuck in Ephesus in 56AD that he actually wrote to someone else is going to affect things.

Things they never told me at Theological College no 269

At college they trained me how to be a Vicar. With hindsight this was a very stupid thing to do.

Vicars run churches. A job I have a feeling I wouldn’t be much cop at. Since leaving college, I have been a youth worker, a College Chaplain, a Parish Assistant, a University Chaplain and a Curate. None of which is even vaguely like being a Vicar.

Well, honestly actually being a Curate is a bit like being a Vicar only with none of the responsibility or power. Mostly it’s just following a Vicar round and doing whatever she or he tells you to.

They don’t really teach you how to work with people younger than you at college. Or how to creatively engage with the senior management of a large institution. Or how to discuss your secretarial needs with personnel and finance. Or what the best games for the Nintendo Wii are.

I can cope with having to work all that out for myself but I really wish someone had taught me how to handle sex and community.

It is a fact that whenever sex rears its ugly head in Church circles it is nearly always wrong. The last story I read in the press about sex and church was the one about a vicar getting struck off for four years for ‘pastorally caring’ for a young mother of four from his parish. Her husband claims he is the main reason his marriage failed. See...all wrong! Stop it!

People who hang around in Church are all old, so for most of them sex isn’t a sin it’s a distant memory. Except for the Vicar of course. Naughty boy! But things around here are a bit different.

Once upon a time chaplaincy was empty. That was when I first got here. All day every day. It was quiet and no one was here. Then at some point (I don’t know if it was Boldrewood Tunnel Soc or the Big Tick) but at some point people started to hang out here. Quite a few of them. Enough to make a community.

A community of young people. Thing about young people. They often fancy other young people and that’s where this community malarkey gets a little complicated. There is nothing wrong with that. Single 20 year old person ‘A’ arrives in Chaplaincy and fancies single 19 year old person ‘B’. Nothing wrong with that at all. If ‘B’ likes ‘A’ they spend quite a lot of time together and everyone goes ‘Ah! Look at the lovely couple’ in a twee voice. Or is that just in my head?

What if ‘B’ doesn’t like ‘A’ what if he/she prefers ’C’ or ‘C’ steals ‘B’ away?

(Laura often felt like the world would be a better place if relationships were like Algebra)

What if ‘C’ and ‘A’ and ’B’ are all friends but then ‘B’ thinks it is a bad idea for ‘A’ and ‘C’ to date but they do anyway and then ‘B’ goes and talks this all through with the ‘D’ which only complicates matters. Meanwhile ‘E’ and ‘F’ are going through a rough time and ‘G’ quite likes ‘B’. ‘H’ is lonely. ‘J’ is avoiding ‘K’. And poor, poor ‘L’ has broken up with ‘M’ and can’t quite make sense of that. ‘N’ quite likes ‘P’. So does ‘Q'. And 'R’. ‘P’ feels unloved.

‘Y’ meanwhile is happily off the dating scene, but still sort of feels responsible for all this. He’s probably deluded.

I’m not saying that all this is going on in chaplaincy.

Just most of it.

The last couple of days my work load just exploded with relationships. Today I had a great big crap sandwich to eat and it was horrid. One of the chaplaincy ‘relationships’ has clearly got out of hand and it seems has turned nasty with all sorts of things hanging in the air.

All of which leads me to wonder what exactly I should be doing in all this. A vicar knows exactly where he stands he is in charge of the Church. He runs services, he tells the Church members what to do. A chaplain has a very blurred role. I am the Big Brother of this little community? The Guide? The Worshipper? The Facilitator?

Someone please tell me how you make a community work when there is sex and dating involved, because it just seems to be something they glossed over at college.

90% of chaplaincy problems currently are relationship related.

The other 10% are to do with there not being enough mugs.

I’m not complaining. I’m just not sure if I need a magic wand or a pair of ruby slippers.

Hopefully this will all get better.

Thank God for Rob and Louise. I mean that. Cheers Big Guy!

The Equipment II

Following the advice of Tom:

A Pencil

AND a rubber

I think I get it

I think I finally get Maths. I think I finally understand it. Let me explain.

This example starts with a line

Every line is a an angle of 180 degrees.

If you put another line there you will have created two angles. But of course they will both add up to 180 degrees.

You cannot, obviously make one angle bigger without making one angle smaller.

Imagine a man who knows nothing about Maths (call this man 'The Chaplain'). He makes himself a triangle.

He measures the angles of the triangle and finds they add up to 180 degrees.

"Wow!" he thinks "What an interesting number."

So he makes another one.

He measures that one too. 180 degrees! WOW what a co-incidence! Now the fact that two different triangles have angles that add up to 180 degrees could lead this chaplain to try again and after about 100 or so triangles you can say it is highly probable that ALL triangles have angles that add up to 180 degrees. He could keep going all day making triangles, but it would still only be highly certain that this was a fact.

Eventually our un-mathematical chaplain gets bored measuring angles so he rips up his original triangle and does this:


While considering this he takes the second triangle he made and then does something a bit weird with it. He places it on a bit of paper extends the line along the base and then draws a parallel line to one of the other sides. A bit like this.


He notices that there are corresponding and alternative angles which leads him to the conclusion that not only does this triangle have angles that add up to 180 degrees but that ALL triangles will add up to 180 degrees since you cannot make one angle bigger without making the others smaller.

And this is the really clever bit, because of this you never have to actually measure a triangle.

I'm not expecting you to go "180 degrees, I never knew that!" I'm demonstrating what this example (which I took from my text book) shows to me. It shows absolute certainly. It doesn't matter how many triangles there are we know WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that their angles will always add up to 180 degrees.

It does so, through the shortest and simplest route possible.

Looking at it, I think there is only one word for it...Beautiful. It is a beautiful elegant proof, which surprises me because I always thought that Arts subjects were about beauty and elegance and science and maths was about functionality. I'm not quite so sure any more. I think, I might just possibly be beginning to 'get' maths.

I just wish I could phone Laura and tell her.

St Andrews

Yesterday was a cold and blustery day.

So in chaplaincy we put the fire on.